In the Shadows
by angelwings2001
Summary: Tomoyo's thoughts about Syaoran. Kinda OOC and stuff.


In the Shadows  
  
A/N: hello. This is kinda a sad fic, just a warning. I didn't really mean for this to be a fic, but I started writing about my feelings towards a certain person... and well, it kinda came close to being CCS-ish, so I changed it a bit to get this. Some things you'll need to know:  
-Meilin and Syaoran never moved back to Hong Kong.  
-They're all 14 here.  
-Expect some stuff that doesn't make sense, that I don't want to spoil, k?  
-This is in Tomoyo's POV, and she never fell in love with Sakura  
  
  
  
Did you know that I love you? Probably not. Even with Sakura-chan gone, you never pay attention to me. But every time I glance at your messy brown hair and dark brown eyes, I can't look away. Everything about you is so perfect to me. Why didn't I see this sooner?  
  
Do you remember seventh grade? I do. I hardly talked to you, we barely knew one another. Sakura-chan was becoming friends with you rapidly, as was I. And Meilin was in love with you.  
  
*Flashback*  
"Tomyo-chan! Here's a note for you!"  
"Thanks, Meilin-chan! Ja!"  
I opened the heart-folded paper in 3rd period and started reading.  
Hey Tomyo-chan!  
I have to tell you and Sakura-chan something. You know Syaoran-kun? Well, all this time before, I've just been pretending to love him for the sake of the clan. But I think I'm in love with him. I don't know how it happened, but when we started talking more, he opened up. We laugh and tell jokes to each other over the phone. I know he just thinks I'm a good friend, but I don't want him to be just a friend. What do I do? I want to tell him how I feel, but I'm afraid he'll just run away. Oh well, w/b.  
Meilin  
*End Flashback*  
  
She was the first one to fall for you. It was always me, Sakura-chan, and Meilin-chan- the three musketeers. Everything remained the same after that note... almost. We started seeing more of you, and Sakura-chan became closer to you.  
  
After a while, things changed. In eighth grade, Sakura-chan fell for you too, the same way Meilin did. I had to listen to them talk about you all day. Do you know how repetitive that can get? While both of them tried to make me see why they loved you, I just shook my head. "What's so great? I hardly know him." I repeated the same line over and over. And it was true. My two best friends and they didn't see what was happening. They were getting closer to each other, and I was the tagalong.  
  
Demo, we did get closer. I guess when your two best friends are in love with a person, you've gotta be at least cordial. We would call one another for help on homework, and to talk about interesting things. I guess we went from politeness to friends without realizing it.  
  
Meanwhile, Meilin-chan and Sakura-chan continued to love you, even though you never picked up a clue. There were others who liked you too, a lot of girls getting starry-eyed when you passed them. But you remained oblivious, because we weren't your best friends. Do you know how jealous we got, even me at the time, that you told your best friends who were girls everything and left us in the dark? That hurt.  
  
Things continued to be monotonous, until March. Fujitaka-san had decided that his family needed to relocate to Kyoto, where the Kinomotos could be closer to their aging ojiisan (grandfather). At least he was kind enough to wait through the end of the school year.  
  
Another thing happened. When everybody started talking about the graduation dance, I heard from Hana and Miki, your best girl-friends that you were going to ask Sakura-chan. Meilin almost broke down in tears. But, being the best friend she was, she pushed Sakura-chan and you together. "A last wish for Sakura-chan. She deserves it."  
  
When you finally got the nerve to ask Sakura-chan, she said yes, of course. But you two were even closer, and became like boyfriend and girlfriend. Meilin broke down several times in school, but always remained the matchmaker. I became mad at Sakura-chan, because you were the cause of her ignorance. She was so caught up in your love for her that she didn't see the important things- she was hurting Meilin-chan. And when I finally clued her in, Meilin refused to let Sakura-chan give up on you. I guess it was for the better.  
  
During the summer, Sakura-chan had to leave and I started to break down. Meilin and I became very close, but you remained slightly distant. You were always like that. We threw a good-bye party for Sakura-chan. It was then that she told us she wasn't in love with you anymore. "He can't help flirting with other girls. I just don't see a spark in him anymore." Somehow, this news got around to you, and you were heartbroken.  
  
However, you and Sakura-chan remained close friends, through the distance. I think she helped you get over your sadness. But you never were the same. When we started this school year, you were pretty much the same. There was a big part missing though- you never flirted with anyone. And you and I became distant, Meilin our only connection.  
  
It took a while, but in November Meilin had finally gotten over you. She decided to move on, and now she thinks of you as a brother. She still makes you laugh.  
  
There are still many girls chasing after you, but only from afar.  
  
And in February, I fell in love with you. I don't know how it happened. Somehow I found myself more and more attracted to you. My affection grew as the days passed.  
  
It's April now. I still love you, but I haven't let anyone know. Sometimes I think that Meilin might suspect, but she doesn't want to pry. I don't want her to either. You see, my goal is to get over you as soon as possible and with as little damage as I can manage to anybody else. Do you know why? Because you'll never love me. You never even talk to me.  
  
We went to the fair last week; that was the highlight of the year. I got to talk to you, hang out with you, and for a day we were back to being close friends: Tomoyo and Syaoran. You were really happy that day, and we shared a lot of laughs. I was in bliss.  
  
But when we met in the hall today, you just replied with your normal greeting. "Hey." How can you not see it? I love you so much, but you're never aware. I used to shake my head in disbelief at Sakura-chan and Meilin-chan. But now I am the fool. Everything I see you do is perfect; you're the center of my world.  
  
But I am only on the edge of yours. Hidden in the shadows, never seen or noticed. When can I step into the light? You might be afraid to let anyone step out, afraid of being heartbroken. Don't you know that I'm different? Aishiteru, Syaoran-kun. With all my heart and soul. I would never hurt you. So why am I still hiding?  



End file.
